Things to know before you say i do

 

1. Redefine marriage: 

 Begin to see marriage as an act: “Mar ‘D’ Rage”. . Consider that the word “mar” means to spoil or render less useful.Anger is a weapon that can either be channeled negatively or positively. However, when it comes to a serious or marriage relationship you must consciously bring your anger under control or better still, destroy your anger, otherwise it will destroy your marriage. Surrender your rage because no one benefits from the effects of anger. Your spouse will get on your nerves many times, learn to “Mar the Rage” before the rage renders your marriage useless.

2. Establish a true acceptance of our parents and of their relationships. 

Some of us were blessed enough to have parents with a very strong and loving relationship. Others were not so lucky. Before getting married, leaving behind any resentment and negativity you feel about your parents’ marriage is really important. Your marriage never has to be your parent’s marriage, and overcoming these feelings can be a daunting and challenging task, but a crucial one.

 

3. Whether you really love him -- Or the idea of getting married

You don't want to marry Mr. I-Suppose-He's-Right just because you're caught up in bridal excitement, or because it seems like the logical next step or because everyone you know is tying the knot.
To be sure it's the guy you want, and not just the Mrs. title, psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, suggests asking yourself these questions: Can you imagine any other man in your wedding/honeymoon/married life plans? Would you still want to marry your guy if it was just the two of you at the courthouse? Think carefully about your answers before taking the next step.

  4. Understand, rather than love! Marriage is more of understanding than love. 

Love attracts, but understanding sustains and endures. Love may fade away after marriage, but it is understanding that keeps and sustains the marriage. I often say, “it isn’t that a man would not see a more beautiful and responsible lady than the wife and it isn’t that a woman would not see a more handsome and responsible man than the husband, but what keeps and sustains the couple is the understanding they have built over the years”. The married couples would agree that the understanding that exists between partners is what sustains marriages.

 

5. Become entirely conscious of the fact that there is no need to rush any stage of life.
 

 Rushing is in our nature. We get excited. We want to move on to each new and intriguing stage of our lives. However, part of being truly ready to get married is knowing that like all other stages, it doesn’t have to be done in a hurry. Marriage is not a testament to the validity of your adulthood or to your mature relationship. It isn’t something to check off your list before you move on to the next category of gift registry you can create. When we each get married, it should be the right time. It should be something we can afford and can spend the time we really want to on. Every other stage is that way too, and entering one as important as marriage without understanding that, can damage one’s ability to appreciate each state he or she is in at the time. 

 

6. Prepare to give wholeheartedly and at times be denied dearly.

 Marriage will give you squarely and deny you dearly. For instance, your spouse may provide you with all your heart’s desires and  pleasure till you want no more when newly married, but when they deny you that will hurt you   And you can do nothing about it.  A time will come when your spouse will be there all the time and may not be there during other moments. Your spouse may be everything today and may appear to be nothing tomorrow. Prepare yourself mentally. It is still part of the process called marriage.

 

7.Why his previous relationships didn't work out

How does your guy talk about his exes? Pay attention (as much as you'd rather not!) because it can offer insight into your own relationship. Was he overly possessive? Consumed by work? Unfaithful? These may not be deal breakers if he's learned and grown from his experiences.
If he takes responsibility for something he did -- even if it's just for making a bad choice -- that's a good sign, says therapist Michael Batshaw, author of Before Saying I Do: The Essential Guide To A Successful Marriage.
But if his attitude is: "It was all her fault" or "She was crazy," that's a bad sign. And if he's in touch with his exes? Don't get defensive and territorial. It can be a good sign since it shows he likes and respects the women in his life, and that he doesn't have anything to hide.

 

8. Marry a committer to the marriage. 

 No marriage works automatically. Not one. Therefore, marry somebody who is absolutely committed to making the marriage work. You must consciously work on your marriage. Reasons will always arise for you to want to call it quits on your relationship or partnership but you must try to make your marriage work. Do not marry someone who is always looking for an escape route, Someone who is always looking for faults to nail or crucify you all the time.

 

9. Runaway from a PITO spouse.  

Never settle for someone who is a Predator, Intimidator, Threatening and Oppressive (PITO) . Rather marry someone whose presence encourages, spurs, stirs, and brings out the best in you or encourages you to go the extra mile. Someone whose life and presence awakens the dormant potential in you.

 

10. Marry somebody who has something to protect:

 Marry somebody who has an image, integrity, and reputation to protect. Whoever has nothing to defend or preserve will be dangerous for you to sign a life contract of marriage with. He/she who has nothing to protect will expose everything for the enemy to steal and destroy. As far as he/she is concerned anything can happen. Who cares?!